Relationship Counselling.

​So, he/she has this problem and you wanted it sorted out?

​While I can see couples together, there is often a time during this type of counselling when one-to-one counselling also has to happen.

My rule-of-thumb is that sooner-or-later everyone needs to deal with their own issues before complaining about anyone else’s. ​Yes, some people are just badly behaved. 

However, if you don’t think you have any issues then quite possibly that level of denial is also contributing to the problem. We need to be brave and look at ourselves while also looking at our partner.​​

There are four essential areas in every relationship that need nurture. If that’s not happening then the relationship will never be as good as you hoped for. Often, at least one of those areas has not been working well, and that produces the relationship stress.

This is not always an easy process, and can require some real honesty that might not have been spoken out before. The relationships that are generally doomed are where one person will not move, adjust or respect the other’s needs. When only one party does the giving we can safely say that relationship is unhealthy, and probably also abusive. In which case here is some free advice: get out while you can.

Some ideas to consider:

• It only takes one to make a war, but it takes two to make peace.
• Please, PLEASE, before you start living together, or get married, or adopt, or have your lovely mother-in-law move in with you… get some counselling so you can prepare for this life change.
• There are several tools that can help with this, some of which are on-line and I may ask you to do at your own cost. They are NOT personality profiles.​ ​I often make specific recommendations about these as I believe that as you understand yourself and your partner, you will also understand why each behaves the way they do. 

Consider This.

We usually get into a relationship because:

• We really like that person and have hopes for the future with them

• We are frightened of being alone

• To protect ourselves from outside events or people

• So we can hide from our own unbearable feeling(s) and hope they will make us feel OK.

All behavioural strategies have a shelf-life: the problem is we often forget to look at the expiry date and hang on to them for too long - and then we're surprised that they've been poisoning our relationships.