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Don't Despise the Day of Small Things

An old proverb says “don’t despise the day of small beginnings”, and this carries 2 important ideas simultaneously.First, there is a place for gratitude that must not be forgotten, because anything good that came into your life started small and grew into the goodness that can now be recognised. That goodness may have started with an affirmation, or gesture of care, or a good decision.Second, the most destructive ideas and behaviours also started small before they became a problem beh...

It Takes An Open Mind To Hold Big Thoughts

We can say quite fairly that when we deny reason, we deny truth. This is a statement that is likely to immediately offend some, however it is in that very offence-taking we find why this statement is true.​The reaction is innately emotional. Without any consideration to the facts that emotions can obscure truth, people often react to issues before they have heard the information (data + reason).They pre-form opinions without hearing all the information, and react out of a preferred feeling. It...

Rage Addiction

Are you addicted to rage? Have you become addicted to the ‘relief’ that follows after venting your shit onto someone else?There is a bio-chemical pathway that can become entrenched and quite addictive if ‘venting’ and having rages is your thing. Some people will rage at having a disappointment, assume offence, experience failure or blame shift.The more passive-aggressive rages can be seen in gaslighting (manipulating others by sowing seeds of doubt about their integrity and motives)...

Relationships: 'Thinking/Guessing'

Relationships: it only takes one to make a war, but it takes two to make peace.The problems so often can begin with us thinking we know what the other person wants, but not actually knowing what they want.If we stay in that position of ‘thinking-guessing’ we can quite unintentionally lock ourselves into a mind-set that will almost guarantee that we will become angry or offended by the other person – it will happen because guesses are a poor substitute for knowledge.​T...

So You Want To Change the World (again)!

Last blog I mentioned that we have the face the small things first if we are ever going to truly manage the big.It’s been said that “we can’t dialogue with the things we hide, or cover with judgement or shame”. What that means is we will never be at peace within ourselves if we keep covering up our ‘shit’.The more honest we are about ourselves, the more we are able to heal ourselves, and be a healer to those around us. The more we own our issues and address them, the safer we wi...

Suffering As A Touchstone for Empathy

The way you suffered (experienced pain or distress) can assist you to see the suffering of others around you.This can have significant personal and social virtue, especially if you have healed some of your own pain BEFORE trying to help others.This is not to be confused with Special Snowflake Syndrome (SSS) which is all about satisfying personal demands for special treatment, often claiming empathy for others but is in reality a form of hypersensitive self-importance.To be aware of the legitimat...

Taking Shots At Gossip

The last blog mentioned gossips and described their intention to harm others, because they don’t have the strength to be fully open or honest.Their weakness and dishonesty is found in the indirect way they do-and-say things; they rely on selective information and innuendo to get things done.​They seldom come out and say what’s on their mind unless they feel trapped, and then they assume victimisation, or the martyr-complex …or come out in a vicious rage that makes people think twice befo...

The Truth or Just Truth-Bait?

Every lie that sounds ‘good’ will have an element of truth in it; it’s the truth-bit that makes it seem credible.It doesn’t matter if it’s a lie you are telling yourself or telling to someone else, the most effective lies always have an element of truth.That truth-bit is better called the ‘truth-bait’ because it helps lure people into believing something that is not completely accurate, just as a fish is tricked into biting onto a baited hook.And just like when a fish takes the bai...

Working On You, Before the World

So you want to change the world and make it a better place!​It’s worth practising on the small things that are already in your life BEFORE improving the rest of the world.Why? Because if you cannot manage the small relationships around you honestly, you will always live as a fraud.I appreciate that sounds harsh, but here’s an example of this principle: those who practice domestic violence usually do it behind closed doors. In public they have one face, in private they have another.In publi...

Why Counselling - Doing It or Sourcing It?

That’s a great question which is loaded with all sorts of socialised perceptions.Perhaps the major perception of counselling is that it often appears basically passive; someone asks questions​and you slowly get more annoyed at them prying into your life.The current model rests heavily on Rogerian precepts of …well, being nice. And that’s where the problem starts, because there is no reason why you/me/anyone should be ‘nice’ about any form of bad behaviour.​The Golden rule...